Sing for the Day, Sing for the Moment

Today was church day. And though I said I wouldn't go back, I did decide to go back for times when he sings or speaks. There have been comments like he should talk/sing every Sunday to make sure I'm there. Punks. It's been two weeks. Seriously. I'm there every Wednesday from Scout and missed two Sundays. But you'd think I haven't been there in years. *sigh*
He sang a beautiful lullaby and many people cried, including himself. It was very touching. And people continued to talk about his song and singing long after. In RS, many people felt that he's inspiring and his talks/songs always make them cry. Even his blessings. 
It wasn't so bad. Today's lesson in RS was the primitive church and the apostasy. The sister didn't know what the apostasy was. It's okay. I know what it is and I'm glad she didn't delve into it much because she was totally focusing on the Catholic Church. She's never been in any other church than the LDS church. Those are the types that irritate me when they criticize the Catholic Church. Bleh.
Otherwise, a good day. I'm incredibly tired now.

Counting my blessings

I am going to the church on Sunday because he's singing and I love his voice. I want to be there for that. I sometimes get the impression that he doesn't want me to pick and choose when I go. He wants me to commit and stick to that commitment. I don't feel he's being fair. And when I mention that, he says I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, which is infuriating. But I usually let that slide. I do my best not to get into these discussions because he is so adamant about how everyone is lacking. Anyway, this isn't to complain about him. Because he's actually been trying harder than he has for the last three years and I appreciate that.
We are poor. Not as poor as some. And I'm in total denial about how bad it really is. But his church has come through and paid our mortgage, electric, and water bills as well as provide us with food. A lot of food. I'm grateful for that, too. I wish, though, that there were no strings attached.

Coming Home

It was bizarre. I told him last week that I didn't want to go to his church anymore. It wasn't the sacrament part because I could deal with that. It wasn't the people so much because they're people and flawed.  No, it was the classes. Each time I went to the classes, I had to hear how men are better, god has a plan but it doesn't include pain or addiction or anything negative. I had to hear what a woman's job is and how people in the church are so superior compared to those not in the church.
The other day he said that people can go searching through all religions and not find what they're looking for. He said everyone hits a wall and ends up in the LDS church. He made me stop. I was walking out the door. I told him that other religions didn't work for him, that he hit a wall with them, but that doesn't make it all inclusive. He said I was absolutely right. And that is why I no longer go to the LDS church.
Which leads to today. She had to do an extra credit assignment and observe a service of some type. She chose the Orthodox Catholic Church. We drove clear across town to participate in this service. It was going to be 2 hours long. Now we assumed the service would be in Latin since it's supposed to be from the pre-Vatican II time. Instead, it was all in English. They sang every thing. The choir was nice. Most of the service was standing. And there was a lot of crosses/blessings being made. I couldn't keep up. And I lost interest. I have total ADD when it comes to church. I can't sit still or keep quiet. It's a huge flaw. She was all for leaving and so we did. The old guy next to her was giving us the stink eye the whole time anyway and his stink eye followed us out of the building.  We decided we needed food. Now I don't buy anything on Sundays. He disapproves and makes incredible faces and noises. But I threw caution to the wind and we went to The Omelet House. It was the best freakin' omelet ever! We discussed our repentence because we obviously screwed up. So we went to a regular Catholic service.
We drove to Henderson and went to St. Francis of Assisi. Let me tell you. Walking into that church was like coming home. The service rushed to my head so I could participate. The songs felt so familiar. I felt peaceful and refreshed when we left. I haven't felt that in a very long time.
I don't know if I'm going back. I don't know if the Catholic church is what I want. But it's something and I like it. Even with all my bashing. :)