We have been discussing the similarities between the Catholic and LDS church. And he agrees that the similarities are strong. However, if I dug deeper, I would find the huge differences. I don't plan on digging deeper. I plan on continuing on my merry away which is not to the cold waters of the baptismal font.
I've been going to church because he's going to be set apart as the Elder's Quorum President. I want to be there for that since it's so important to him. So I went to church today and still no setting apart. I'll go again next week. I want to take a break. I want to not go for a while. And yet... because of this setting apart.....I'll continue to go. Yeesh.
I talked to a person today who lives in the care center next door. She wants to be friends. She's sweet. And wasted no time giving me a task. I don't mind. It was an interesting day over all. I'm looking forward to moving.
I did realize that he would like to belong to the same church as Chris. I wish I could grant that for him but I don't see it happening. I just don't want to live in Spanish Forks. I feel selfish. I do see that they'd be a powerhouse together. And I also see that I am an obstacle. It is not for me to decide or ponder today. We're still a while away before we move. Leave. Whatever.
One of my favorite people is moving to Idaho. I didn't even get to say good-bye. That's so sad. She's been an inspiration and I've loved talking to her. She's so funny. I'm going to miss her. But the up side: she's on my facebook so I can send her messages at any time.
Sometimes the bright side shines much brighter than the tarnished side. :) And I know that makes no real sense but it makes a lot of sense to me.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Catholicism
Today was interesting. I picked up a book about the Catechism of the Catholic Church and started reading it. It is amazing how similar the LDS church and Catholic church are. I did know of some but the more I read that book, the more I became aware of just how much they have in common. The difference is that the C. Church doesn't really bad mouth any other religions because they believe all religions lead back to them. Which is true, in a way. Since the C.C. stole a lot of saints and holidays from other religions. I don't think I'm going to bring this up with him. I don't want to get into a debate and have him try to prove why his church is better. It's not. Neither one is better. So I'm back to the question: why would I trade one for the other when they're so similar? It's crazy. And yet so many Catholics do it and vice versa. Personally, I'll stick to where I'm at. I may go back to the church (C) because it's familiar and it's soothing. I do like the songs and the quiet times to meditate (usually as the priest is praying or during the readings). Perhaps that is something I'll start to do next Saturday. Yes, I've mentioned it before. But now....I want something of my own. I don't want his. It doesn't change my stance of god or the bible. I may have to confess that. But it is still a base and it's something I know. More thought.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Tithing Terrors
I hate religious discussions. Not even religious because no other religions come into it. But the cult. And tithing has been a hot topic for the last two days. Yesterday, I really laid into him because a family is struggling and was told regardless of the struggles they need to tithe. The blessings of god are directly tied to the tithing and if a person doesn't tithe, they don't get blessings or go into the temple. It feels more greedy than the Catholic church.
So I looked up tithing in the Catholic church. And they don't require it. They require members to support the church however they can: not necessarily money but through service. Which makes a lot more sense to me. I still don't have a love relationship with the Catholic church. I'm not going to suddenly decide how much better it is because there are major issues with it. But some of it is better than the cult. Other parts are just as bad. So it's not like I'm running to the Catholic church, though the urge is there because I do know it. I have a huge wall built against the cult and it annoys me that he keeps saying "when I'm baptized" instead of thinking I never will be. At this time, I just can't do it. And I am the last person someone should talk to about the cult or ask questions. I'm the last person to soothe ruffled feathers. I do tend to make it worse because I am so vocal in my opposition. That being said, I don't think a person who voluntarily joins the cult has the right to complain about the strictures of the cult. If you're not going to investigate it thoroughly and get as many questions answered and as much information as possible before the baptism, then that's on you. Suck it up and deal with it. It's a rant of mine. I absolutely hate hearing people tell me they regret their decision because they didn't know. Or they're upset because there wasn't an instant change. That's stupid. And annoying. See? I'm not the one to talk to. It reminds of the time I was in Basic Training and went to the hospital to visit a friend. I met a girl there who had fallen down the stairs and wanted to go home but the higher ups said it wasn't life threatening so she would be back to active duty. I told her to call the Red Cross to get a hardship discharge. I told her all the things that were bad about being there (even though I did enjoy it) and convinced her to leave. By the time I left, she was already talking to her mom to go home. I am the wrong person when I feel strongly about something.
Other news--but still cult related--our neighbor has a drinking problem. For the last three years, the girl has accused her dad of abusing her and has told me repeatedly that she wants him gone. He drinks. He does abuse them. She wants to call the police but won't. So for the last three years, she's told the missionaries about it. She cries. She wails. She has the drama. It's a serious situation. I'm aware of that. I also know that we have given her avenues to get out and she won't take it. I also know that we've spent time with her dad and do our best but we can't forcibly remove her. She won't let us call the police. In the past, the missionaries made a concentrated effort to see her every other day for hours. Totally against policy. The missionaries now, however, called the missionary president who called the bishop who called me. I asked her what she wanted to happen. She said she wants him to go away. She had a talk with the bishop last night who wanted to call the police right then. She said no. Next time. The thing that gets me is that if she really wants to stop or change it, why wouldn't she let the police get involved? Yes it could go badly. But it's a step in a direction.
As an abused person, I understand her mentality. I also know that I wasn't like her at all. I didn't have the attitude. I was still beaten and locked up but I never gave attitude. I was the pleaser. I know it doesn't matter what attitude a person has: an abuser is going to abuse. I feel at a loss yet this also reinforces why I can't help domestic violence victims. It's frustrating. But maybe now the cult will be more involved in her family and actually teach her parents. The kids are members but the cult has abandoned the parents. Makes no sense.
I'm done ranting. Well, probably not but ranting makes me want cookies and that is just a bad thing.
So I looked up tithing in the Catholic church. And they don't require it. They require members to support the church however they can: not necessarily money but through service. Which makes a lot more sense to me. I still don't have a love relationship with the Catholic church. I'm not going to suddenly decide how much better it is because there are major issues with it. But some of it is better than the cult. Other parts are just as bad. So it's not like I'm running to the Catholic church, though the urge is there because I do know it. I have a huge wall built against the cult and it annoys me that he keeps saying "when I'm baptized" instead of thinking I never will be. At this time, I just can't do it. And I am the last person someone should talk to about the cult or ask questions. I'm the last person to soothe ruffled feathers. I do tend to make it worse because I am so vocal in my opposition. That being said, I don't think a person who voluntarily joins the cult has the right to complain about the strictures of the cult. If you're not going to investigate it thoroughly and get as many questions answered and as much information as possible before the baptism, then that's on you. Suck it up and deal with it. It's a rant of mine. I absolutely hate hearing people tell me they regret their decision because they didn't know. Or they're upset because there wasn't an instant change. That's stupid. And annoying. See? I'm not the one to talk to. It reminds of the time I was in Basic Training and went to the hospital to visit a friend. I met a girl there who had fallen down the stairs and wanted to go home but the higher ups said it wasn't life threatening so she would be back to active duty. I told her to call the Red Cross to get a hardship discharge. I told her all the things that were bad about being there (even though I did enjoy it) and convinced her to leave. By the time I left, she was already talking to her mom to go home. I am the wrong person when I feel strongly about something.
Other news--but still cult related--our neighbor has a drinking problem. For the last three years, the girl has accused her dad of abusing her and has told me repeatedly that she wants him gone. He drinks. He does abuse them. She wants to call the police but won't. So for the last three years, she's told the missionaries about it. She cries. She wails. She has the drama. It's a serious situation. I'm aware of that. I also know that we have given her avenues to get out and she won't take it. I also know that we've spent time with her dad and do our best but we can't forcibly remove her. She won't let us call the police. In the past, the missionaries made a concentrated effort to see her every other day for hours. Totally against policy. The missionaries now, however, called the missionary president who called the bishop who called me. I asked her what she wanted to happen. She said she wants him to go away. She had a talk with the bishop last night who wanted to call the police right then. She said no. Next time. The thing that gets me is that if she really wants to stop or change it, why wouldn't she let the police get involved? Yes it could go badly. But it's a step in a direction.
As an abused person, I understand her mentality. I also know that I wasn't like her at all. I didn't have the attitude. I was still beaten and locked up but I never gave attitude. I was the pleaser. I know it doesn't matter what attitude a person has: an abuser is going to abuse. I feel at a loss yet this also reinforces why I can't help domestic violence victims. It's frustrating. But maybe now the cult will be more involved in her family and actually teach her parents. The kids are members but the cult has abandoned the parents. Makes no sense.
I'm done ranting. Well, probably not but ranting makes me want cookies and that is just a bad thing.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Disgust
I don't think I can do this religion thing anymore. I don't think I can listen and sit idly by. As he and his friend were talking about the house in UT....one that is far from where I want to be.....they had to figure out my time line. As sad as it sounds, I want him to go now. Because this is killing me, killing us, and making her hate me more. I'm done with the passive role. I'm just done.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
How do I take this....
It's a given that he gets freaky when I don't go to church or the children don't. He doesn't get to talk to me about whatever he's learned if I'm not there. He comes back a little pouty and cranky.
So the dilemma came up that she wants to take the car tonight so she can see her boyfriend and spend Father's Day with him and his dad. Since he doesn't do Father's Day. I asked if he would take me home. She could drop me off at church and he could take me home. Instead he said I need to stay home. He's been pushing me to go every Sunday for two years and now he's telling me not to go? Did he have a brain transplant or something? It just feels weird. I'm totally not used to hearing him say stay home. Don't go. Problem solved. It doesn't feel right. I think because it implies that he's given up which I'm grateful for but didn't think I'd ever see. Weird.
Tomorrow I get to stay home, work on my paper, relax, read, maybe do a little cleaning. I like that. :)
So the dilemma came up that she wants to take the car tonight so she can see her boyfriend and spend Father's Day with him and his dad. Since he doesn't do Father's Day. I asked if he would take me home. She could drop me off at church and he could take me home. Instead he said I need to stay home. He's been pushing me to go every Sunday for two years and now he's telling me not to go? Did he have a brain transplant or something? It just feels weird. I'm totally not used to hearing him say stay home. Don't go. Problem solved. It doesn't feel right. I think because it implies that he's given up which I'm grateful for but didn't think I'd ever see. Weird.
Tomorrow I get to stay home, work on my paper, relax, read, maybe do a little cleaning. I like that. :)
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Skipped the day
I skipped the churchy day. And he performed. Normally I try to be there when he sings. Today, though, I decided not to go. I get tired of their fakeness. That's what it feels like: their pretend smiles and their pretend good will. Not all of them. Just some of them. And they find me. When he left today he said he'd tell me how it went. He swears he's not trying to make me feel guilty but his tone definitely says something different. Not today. For a minute, I thought about going. Then decided not to. It was a split second of remorse and then it was gone. I don't want to feel pressured so I don't. I have enough pressure from me, my internal time line. I don't want/need more from something I don't believe in.
It's funny. C and I were talking about religion on Friday. We talked about the Bible and god and really covered a huge range. She said she looks to the Bible as a history book. She said that's what helps her believe it's a good book. I told her I thought it was more fiction. It does have some wonderful stories: violence, happy endings, sad endings, etc. She said I could be wrong. And I know I'm in a minority (if there are any others who think that) but I believe the book is subjective since it is written by human hands. Just like the Book of Mormon. It was written by the human hand. Yes, god told Joseph to translate it but he still used words that weren't there. If he couldn't find the translation or didn't receive it, he placed a similar word. Subjective. All history/writing is. If man is involved, then so are emotions and it's wrong. The truth is always somewhere in the middle.
And that's all I'm going to say about that.
It's funny. C and I were talking about religion on Friday. We talked about the Bible and god and really covered a huge range. She said she looks to the Bible as a history book. She said that's what helps her believe it's a good book. I told her I thought it was more fiction. It does have some wonderful stories: violence, happy endings, sad endings, etc. She said I could be wrong. And I know I'm in a minority (if there are any others who think that) but I believe the book is subjective since it is written by human hands. Just like the Book of Mormon. It was written by the human hand. Yes, god told Joseph to translate it but he still used words that weren't there. If he couldn't find the translation or didn't receive it, he placed a similar word. Subjective. All history/writing is. If man is involved, then so are emotions and it's wrong. The truth is always somewhere in the middle.
And that's all I'm going to say about that.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Just a day
Today was Fast (Testimony) Sunday. The children didn't go. A family he's been teaching didn't go. And it puts him in a funk. I know that but that's not why I went today. I always go on Fast Sunday. I skip the majority of the month but I do get this one. I know I've said before that I don't enjoy this Sunday every month. I don't think people should be allowed to lecture others on how to live, especially if they aren't living it, on Fast Sunday. Or any other day. But this day especially. People throw out scriptures and "you will...." and it's uncomfortable. I expect them to pound the podium for emphasis. I feel the bishop should have better control of how the testimonies go. Maybe that's unrealistic but there you have it.
I like the Baptist church because they tell you straight up what to expect. Some of them do pound the podium and each time, a group is agreeing ("Amen, Brother!"). But they're upfront. They don't really do sneaky attacks. The Catholics, though not my favorite religion, will have a lecture ready on whatever problem/issue needs to be addressed or what lesson will benefit people more. I don't agree with their overall practices with the clergy but I think all religious beliefs are sound. Who am I to say one is better than another?
And that's my problem. I don't believe religions have the right to look down on other religions. They all have the same basic belief in one supreme being. There are exceptions but I'm talking about the mainstream religions. It annoys me when someone says this religion is okay but.....I think that's a major pet peeve of mine with the LDS church. Well, there's two actually when it comes to religion:
1) That no religion is complete because they don't have the book of mormon. Therefore, people of the different religion are still blind and can't believe completely because they don't have a prophet or the b of m. Seriously.
2) That all other religions will only get to the bottom kingdom (telestial) because they don't believe in the true god. Huh? There's only one true god and the Mormons got him? Ridiculous!!!! I remember when the missionary glared at me because I refused to be baptized. He yelled at me, saying as his parting shot that he hoped I didn't die tomorrow because I was surely going to hell. Really? Hell? I'm sure I'll be in good company.
It doesn't endear them to me. And yet, I get sidelong glances because people who have been to the church twice and had their four lessons are baptized. Here I am, two years later (almost three) and still dragging my feet. I think those that are baptized quickly are the ones that are blind. He's right: a person needs eyes to see and ears to hear. Because of that, I know WITH CONVICTION that my decision is sound.
I like the Baptist church because they tell you straight up what to expect. Some of them do pound the podium and each time, a group is agreeing ("Amen, Brother!"). But they're upfront. They don't really do sneaky attacks. The Catholics, though not my favorite religion, will have a lecture ready on whatever problem/issue needs to be addressed or what lesson will benefit people more. I don't agree with their overall practices with the clergy but I think all religious beliefs are sound. Who am I to say one is better than another?
And that's my problem. I don't believe religions have the right to look down on other religions. They all have the same basic belief in one supreme being. There are exceptions but I'm talking about the mainstream religions. It annoys me when someone says this religion is okay but.....I think that's a major pet peeve of mine with the LDS church. Well, there's two actually when it comes to religion:
1) That no religion is complete because they don't have the book of mormon. Therefore, people of the different religion are still blind and can't believe completely because they don't have a prophet or the b of m. Seriously.
2) That all other religions will only get to the bottom kingdom (telestial) because they don't believe in the true god. Huh? There's only one true god and the Mormons got him? Ridiculous!!!! I remember when the missionary glared at me because I refused to be baptized. He yelled at me, saying as his parting shot that he hoped I didn't die tomorrow because I was surely going to hell. Really? Hell? I'm sure I'll be in good company.
It doesn't endear them to me. And yet, I get sidelong glances because people who have been to the church twice and had their four lessons are baptized. Here I am, two years later (almost three) and still dragging my feet. I think those that are baptized quickly are the ones that are blind. He's right: a person needs eyes to see and ears to hear. Because of that, I know WITH CONVICTION that my decision is sound.
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