Wish I was Stronger

Since I realized how much I detest the church, I made the mental decision to not go anymore. To really stick to my guns and just quit. I don't enjoy going. I like some of the people but I don't want to go for them anymore. And I'm tired of hearing him say how much he misses me when I'm not there. He tells me all the time how much he misses me. The thing is: I'm home all the time. He's busy with the church. And maybe I'm a little resentful of that. However, I know that I'll be there next week. I'll put on my pretty church clothes and go because it's the end of the month. And then everyone will tell me how they missed me and some will wonder where I was. I don't care. But I'm not strong when it comes to this. To pleasing him and making him happy by going. However, I withhold and make him pay in other ways. This isn't good.  Or healthy. I need to be stronger and stick to my decisions. Maybe then I won't make him pay in other ways.