Recently I've been focusing on him and his religion and how it affects me. To be fair, I can create drama out of anything and his religion and his thinking is no different. They don't affect me, really. They have nothing to do with me. But I feel he and I are so intertwined that I should think like he thinks and believe like he believes. And I buck every time. It's not healthy. I would like to say it was easier before he converted. But it truly wasn't. It was just a different set of issues. And I have become a different person than the one that put up with his crap before. I think for myself and it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Saying no to baptism isn't as difficult as finding what I want.
So I've put my spiritual quest on the back burner. It bothers me. Like I'm missing something and it's not organized religion. Today I decided to start feeling my way again. I know where I want to go and what I want to do. I just lack the courage to do it. And I lack the courage because I don't want him to look down on me, be disappointed, or tell me I'm wrong. Honestly, I don't think he'd do any of those things. I think he'd be happy if I just did it. I'm going to screw up my courage and embark.
Wish me luck! :0)
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