It's okay

In RS,all I heard was blah, blah, blah. I'm sure it was a good lesson and it had to do with their prophet. But it's obvious I don't have a very open mind when it comes to these things. In fact, their prophet and my pope are so similar and I'm disenchanted with the pope. So...

An interesting side note: a woman stood up today to say what helps her get through everything. She said her husband isn't a member and could never understand her want to go to the temple. But..and this is the part that gets to me...he--a nonmember--had to sign off for her to go to the temple. It had to be in writing that it was okay with him--A NONMEMBER--for her to go to the temple. What the heck?????  I'm waiting for him to come home so I can get clarification. Seriously.  And women are superior....idiots.

It's really none of their business

Sunday was interesting. I was only there for sacrament because I had to study for finals. It's getting more difficult to go because he's so busy with his people, he has no time to say anything to me. Yet he tells me he's happy I'm there. Of course he is. It means I'm not out exploring other religions! 

But Sunday, after sacrament, a new convert asked me a question of the man before conversion. I'm the first to admit that he was a maniac. He had a temper that would terrify me sometimes. But I learned to cope. I guess he talked about it with the NC because the NC asked me about it. So I was honest. Really, a lot of the people in that church would go to the shop and see him in all his raging glory so it's not like I was telling secrets. NC wants me to find the tape I have of raging maniac but I feel uncomfortable with that. I feel uncomfortable having to prove that he was like that when he's not really now.

(Oh, he still has the crazy glint in his eyes. Now, though, he's not alone. It's creepy walking into the foyer and having everyone turn with that same crazy look and big smiles.)

Anyway, after telling NC about his rages, NC asked me why, after witnessing such a miracle, I wasn't baptized yet? Obviously that would have turned anyone. Why not me?  I told him I have issues with the church that I need to reconcile before I did it. And then I was a little angry because it sounded like I was defending my decision.  I told him I didn't really appreciate the conversation.  He said not to take it personally. It's just too much after the missionary dinner. I don't want to deal with it anymore. I want to stop completely.


I'm thinking, too, I want to go back to the Catholic church. I know I mentioned it before but I really want to do it. I think this Saturday is a good time to go. Even though there's a bbq I am expected to attend for his church. I don't care. 


Meh. >:-/
 

It was a sneaky night

I did the missionary dinner thing tonight. She joined us and then took them to a play/musical. I don't know what it was. She volunteered, which was impressive.  At the end of the dinner, though, they snuck in a lesson. About how a person sometimes has to give up family to follow the true path, the true savior, whatever. And it'll work out in the next life or now. It was annoying. And then one of them said he really enjoys when I go to the baptisms. I don't know what that means. I know that people firmly believe the more baptisms I go to the more I'll fall into it and want to do it. The less likely I am to walk with the adversary, whatever that means. I don't believe in the adversary or the devil. I believe that Lucifer was terribly misunderstood. Victor Hugo wrote an excellent poem about the fall of Lucifer. Even he said Lucifer was misunderstood. I get tired of hearing how I'm robbing myself from the true experience by not doing what they want. I'm tired of discussing it. Done.

Just another Sunday

Today I felt morally offended as people were talking about eternal marriage/families. I hate that they tell me that I will never be with him again because I'm not baptized. Personally, I believe he and I have gone through many lives together. And maybe in my last life I was LDS and he wasn't and I hated it because he wasn't so I decided this time not to do it.  I don't think he'll understand that.
I was sitting in the investigator's class and came face to face with "Know it all" Guy. The one who pounces on words to make his point.  The one who can't wait to tell the other person s/he is wrong. I don't like those type of people. I'm actually finding that I'm not liking a lot of things. One of the saddest side affects of my not liking things is that I'm not very good with animals or small children anymore. I used to be great with them.  Now....not so much. I feel that loss.
The rest of the day is uneventful.

Sometimes I wish for silence

Sometimes I don't want to talk about religion or how it affects me. I don't want to be told that I'm fighting my natural inclination and should be baptized. I want to be accepted for who I am and not who they think I should be.  Tonight was a baptism. I did not go. I didn't want to go. I don't feel like I need to be there for everything that happens in the church. He looked disappointed. And then it feels like he tries to make me feel guilty for not going because of all the people who ask about me. I don't have an obligation to them or to him. It was his decision to join the church. He can't expect me to go along when it's no longer his decision what I do. Boy, I wish he'd get that already.

Lots of Laughter

Tonight was De-Stress Night. It was my first time. It's a night for the women of the church to get together, laugh, play, and learn. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed myself. Really. I didn't think I would. I love a certain group of women. They are the ones I gravitate to every time we're in the same room.  So I sat with my peeps. It was especially nice because he stayed to watch the children. It would not have been possible if he didn't.  I think I'm looking forward to next time. :)

Please don't pick my friends

I like a lot of the women in the church. I truly do. But I don't like socializing with them. I actually don't like socializing. And I don't like being told they'd make great friends....better than the ones I have now. It makes me cranky. I wish he wouldn't try to push me into friendships with people because they'd be good for me or have a positive impact on me or whatever the reason is. I think the underlying reason will always come back to my soul. Like I said, I generally like some of the women. I just don't want to see people all the time.